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[Monday
March 31st, 2008
3:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 impressed |
] |
i really was going to post this whole long pissed off jumble of words about how she doesn't trust me still. i guess she has a damn good reaosn not to. i should be doing homework and excersizing but i'm not. obviously.
point of this. is i'm glad i didnt go anywhere with you. literally and theoretically speaking of course.
i hate you still. and i still quit.
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[Saturday
January 19th, 2008
2:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 apathetic |
] |
im so happy im fucking leaving.
i dont have to deal with anyone here anymore.
im just glad im getting away.
ive waited for this for 4 years.
its great because its happening when ive had such a shitty fucking year. although, i would liek to see someone everyday before i leave.
too bad i cant see that person anymore.
i think i am depressed. this is sad. maybe its just that im a self loathing conceited teenager with too much teen angst. that sounds worse than depresssion actually. hah
i think im going to sulk more and then buy clothes that i dont need and wont wear that cost more than they should.
i think itll make me feel better. even if its for a few hours.
this reminds me, i can't remember the last time i was happy. like truely happy. with everything. not just one thing, completely everything. weird concept to think about.
i should stop before i start crying again. hah.
this is probably the first time ive cried in a long time. i cant remmber the last time i cried actually. other than just now.
ugh whatever. fuck this place. glad im leaving. even from you. i cant bare to say goodbye.
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[Tuesday
November 6th, 2007
4:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 angry |
] |
its gotten better. since the coffeehouse me and kyle made up apparently. i guess we're okay now. i saw his girlfriend haha. weird stuff. pretty awkward and atleast shes not one of those girls who look different in real life than on myspace. she looks exactly how i pictured. well, this weekend is going to be really exciting. my dad's leaving to san diego for like 2 weeks. and my sisters leaving for the weekend. so its just me and my mom :) that means tons of shopping and ITS A THREE DAY WEEKEND. so happy.
this day sucked though. and while im talking about san diego, my father said that my mother was a shoe in for the promotion positiion in sd. im keeping my fingers crossed because id really like to get away from here :) since everyones leaving this eyar, no lie, laurens moving to npt, kylies graduating with the rest of the senior class, kyle and der are dropping out apparently. shimpy goes to the votec thing i really dont have anyone else. real cool. well my father was saying that by next year maybe in april they'll call her and tell her we can leave. and that she has the job. i know the first hting ill be doing is getting some goddamn in n out :) haha.
well, as far as im concerned i have nothing to miss here.
hopefully this year will get better. with tons of surprises!
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| another thing |
[Monday
October 22nd, 2007
9:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
annoyed |
] |
ps;
why cant i stop trying to impress what will never work out. FUCK. im so negative i want to watch reign over me all over again and make harry talk to me about being greatful for what i have. hey harry, lets be friends again so we can talk about how i need positivity in my life again.
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| falling |
[Monday
October 22nd, 2007
9:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
aggravated |
] |
knee deep in bullshit.
dead serious.
no really.
i want everything bad that happened in the past 5 months to just poof away. i want to live happy again. i want to keep thinking positive when everything that happens is absolutely negative. i want to like the isladn again. i want to feel in control. i want to say i know who i am and i know what i want. i want to know how to stick up for myself. i want to learn to love. i want to learn to live. i want i want i want. everything i can't have. i want but i cant. i love but i wont. i hurt when i dont. i forget what i remember. i will but i wont. i do and i dont. fuck this island. let me go to sleep.
i neever want to fall in love. ever. again.
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| so |
[Monday
October 15th, 2007
9:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
annoyed |
] |
im in such a weird and awkward mood. i felt like posting because its been a while. and because i just saw a picture of shelby and kyle from homecoming. i don't know if it was a pang to my heart or a sign of releif? i don't really know. i don't want to know actually. it all just got me thinking, why i'm all of a sudden feeling not good enough for certain boys. i guess it all ties into how i'm feeling a tad jealous of certain friends of mine. well i hate admitting this but i always feel jealous of my closest friends. especially girls. am i not good enough? iw ish people wanted me. i wish people talked about me. i hate not being the center of attention. i don't really know where im going with this. although i know that i should be sleeping. which reminds me of how ive been listening to tegan and sara on repeat. i love their new cd. i cant take it off.
oh jee. this monday was such a good monday. such a good way to start off a week. because this friday is mliw. which i am so anxious and excited for! as well as edge day with have heart verse soulcontrol the mongoloids outrage and various other bands. 300 head limit! be there! i will be with my twin and sam. so excited. this week and weekend will be so amazing (knock on wood). which i just did. ahaha,
anyways. where im going with all this mess. i feel awkwardly jealous. i need a boy. no. scratch that. i feel like i want a boy right now. although as much as i say it. i do want love all over again. ill go through the pain to feel good again. preferably by someone not so much alike to me. if that makes sense. im such a picky person.
i hate this island.
i want to leave.
right.
now.
ready? set. go.
move back to california. "home"
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[Monday
July 16th, 2007
2:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 frustrated |
] |
IM SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW.
WHAT THE FUCK.
WOW
I HAVENT FELT THIS WAY IN SO LONG
WOW
AND I REALISED I LEFT MY PACK IN KARISSAS CAR
AND IM FUCKING GOING CRAZY
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| so i finally |
[Wednesday
July 11th, 2007
11:12pm] |
quit smoking.
HAHAHA
LETS SEE HOW LONG THIS LASTS, EY?
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[Thursday
March 1st, 2007
8:10pm] |
stoked, much?
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perilandpanic's journal
cigarette withdrawls